Mr. Smooshy
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Stranger: Dear sir, I am from Nigeria and I have a business proposal for you.
You: lolololol
You: watchu wanna say?
You: and i'm definitely not a sir thank you
Stranger: You see there is this very famous man here, the presidents crown prince's brother who has a very large sum of money that must be transfered to the U.S.
You: oh wow. ok
You: well how much to you need?
You: yo ima need u to answer quicker
Stranger: Basically, what we would do is transfer the money into your bank account there in the U.S., and then withdraw it to another account, leaving you say.... 50,000 dollars to do with as you please.
You: for serious
You: aww that's nice
Stranger: As a gesture of good faith and thanking for the priviledge.
You: ok what do i need to do?
Stranger: We need a copy of your social security number, telephone number...
Stranger: address, and bank routing number for your account.
Stranger: So we know where to send the money, of course.
You: unfortunately i'm nota US citizen, and i jumped the fence form mexiko
You: so. . . i dont got none a those
Stranger: The address to your house, matress, burro, and 17 children will also be accepted.
You: i dont live in a house
You: i live right outside your window
Stranger: The presidents crown prince's brother also enjoys funny hats.
You: so those random things that go missing?
You: they're mine now
Stranger: HEY
Stranger: YOU GIVE ME BACK MR. SMOOSHY RIGHT NOW
Stranger: COCKSUCKER
You: oh you gettin mad now huh?
Stranger: I cannot have bathtime fun without my precious Mr. Smooshy
You: das what you get for emptying your chamber pot on me
Stranger: Its not like it made you smell worse.
You: and if you tryna go, i don't fight fair
You: ima bust ur ass infronta all ur africano amicos
Stranger: All I ask is that you return Mr. Smooshy to me, unharmed.
Stranger: There is no need for the situation to devolve into violence.
You: mr smooshy doesn't think so
Stranger: Is he there with you now??
Stranger: LET HIM TALK TO ME.
Stranger: .............
Stranger: please?
You: he thinks i shud kick ur ass, steal the 50,000 and get him that sex change he's always wanted
Stranger: But he already HAS the girl and the boy parts..
You: he wants to be my mrs. smooshy
Stranger: That's w-.
Stranger: ..
Stranger: You bastard
You: he told me he doesnt wanna talk to you
Stranger: I don't want to talk to HIM.
You: he hates ur gut and he hopes you walkin front of a train
Stranger: Fuck him, and fuck you, and fuck The Game.
Stranger: You just lost.
You: *sniff* what did The Game ever do to you?
Stranger: Left me all alone D:
You: lol
You: ur funni
Stranger: My presence is also required elsewhere!
Dec 6th